Please don’t judge me, but I’m a recovering angerholic. God has changed me. He can change you too.
I don’t think that “angerholic” is a real word, but I lived with a temper and suppressed anger that would come out unexpectedly, and I didn’t have the self control to handle it. When I would let it out, I actually felt a rush with it and really relieved after I threw my fit. I actually told myself that I deserved to get that out. I told myself that it really wasn’t as bad as it could be. I didn’t physically hurt anyone. I was just loud. I liked to slam doors. I liked to throw things.
Honestly, I didn’t want to be angry. I would make excuses like, “It’s not my fault I was angry.” I would tell myself, “It’s their sin that makes me angry.”
The truth was that I hated that part of me. I honestly did not know how to get rid of my anger. I knew it wasn’t biblical. I knew that it was not a good witness to my children. But, I wasn’t very good at managing it.
I didn’t know I had so much anger pushed down deep inside until I had children. The height of my anger was a result of their disobedience. I was taking their natural tendencies to explore their identity and push the limits very personally. I was amazed at how much it impacted my temperament. When they would disobey, I would blow up. It took me by surprise at how volatile I actually could be. I was loud and mean.
Oddly enough, I confess, it felt so good to get it out. But oh, how my yelling hurt others feelings. It hurt my little one’s feelings. And my husband didn’t like it either. They would look at me with those sweet eyes and say, ” Mom, stop yelling at me.”
Then, when I heard their hurt, I could snap out of it. I would melt. I would tell them how sorry I was. I would ask for their forgiveness. I knew I had to do something about it. I would promise them that I would never do it again. But that was a lie. I needed Gods help. I needed a lot of help.
I would pray about it, asking God to change me. It took me years to get a hold of my anger. But I have. I’m “recovering”. Sometimes I hear my voice rising and I have to stop and get myself together before I respond.
2 very impressionable moments took place that helped me the most:
In 2012, we started attending Pinelake Church. The first Sunday we visited, Chip talked about fasting. He spoke about the blessings and miracles that come from fasting.
Soon after, he talked about anger. He said there’s no room in a Christian’s life for anger.
So I fasted about my anger. I prayed through the hunger for food and asked God to fill me, instead with His Spirit to overcome it. I begged God to replace my anger with sympathy, compassion, forgiveness, and love.
I fasted once a week. And after several weeks, I noticed that I was becoming more patient, less reactive, and more calm. God was working a good work in me. And He still is. He’s so kind.
Second, my children inherited my sin. They had seen it enough. They new how to have a good fit. But, sometimes it would end in more than raising voices. They would get physical in their anger. I would explain that pushing and hitting during anger was not acceptable. Imagine that!?!? Here I was trying to teach them how to deal with their anger. I bought them a book called, “Getting a Grip”. I read it. It helped me tremendously! Imagine that!?!?! Learning from a book for a teen.” Yep! God works through mysterious means. Many of the lessons I’ve taught my children helped me the most.
God is always calling us closer to Him. He is so patient and so kind. I had to rid myself of that very thing that Satan was using to tear me apart. We need to pull those weeds of sin, and we need to throw off that which prevents us from growing in our faith. For me, I had to rid myself of anger and angery outbursts.
God’s Kindness and His Power through the Holy Spirit is alive! He is my strength! He is my power!
Colossians 3
I had to Carrie On and learn to Stay High.
Jesus Loves me. Jesus Loves you too.
Carrie
Stay High 